Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
