Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
