i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
