I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
