to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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