people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
