You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
