I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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