please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
