Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
