It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
His nipple licking is glorious
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