Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
