just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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