Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
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The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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