Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
