the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
