apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
