He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can you bring me the toilet please
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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