my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
