People with herpes should wear stickers.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
