I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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