someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am never drinking with the goths again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
