I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
