Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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