Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
