If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
