the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I still have a little drunk in my system
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
