I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
