this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to sanitize my soul.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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