please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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