I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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