It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
