Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
