My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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