1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
