My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
