All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its not stalking. its research.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
