I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
