I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
PANTIES FOUND
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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