Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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