I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
