I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
