Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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