i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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