i just sent this text using only my big toe
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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