My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
