What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
