I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I wear drunk well.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
