Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
