Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
