how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
