Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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