i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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