So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
