I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
