if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
