I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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