just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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