you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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