You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
