I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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