you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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