But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
