Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
