Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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