i think my mom watched the whole time
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
