he looks like a really good dad on facebook
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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