she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
