I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
